The Inner Mom

Being a middle child myself i never realized how true the phrase "middle child syndrome" was until our second child was born 4 months ago. Now technically she is not a middle child yet but my husband and i know we will have more kids so she will be...shortly (no dad I am not pregnant).

I started blogging as a way to keep a quote "baby book" for our oldest. We also started a picture blog so that our family who dont get to see our kids everyday can log on and see what mess they have gotten into lately and how much they are growing.

Then I realized our second child was born and it all stopped. The easy thing to do would be to say that i no longer have time. Which truly isnt a stretch of the imagination. But honestly that isnt the reason. I dont know why ive stopped.

It wasnt until this past thanksgiving that i even realized i was – or wasn’t doing this. We spent four days with at my in-laws house and as we were leaving i realized i hadn’t taken one picture of Emmas FIRST thanksgiving! Not one. Im a terrible mom! Especially since we have...oh only a hundred of our first born, Ellie at her first Thanksgiving. And not just thanksgiving but literally hundreds of pictures of her just sitting there, laying there when she was first born, sleeping! And what of Emma i have some pictures from the hospital...4 1/2 months ago! What is wrong with me! So the middle child syndrome that most middle children talk about (and yes i am one) starts from the beginning - we aren’t even given a chance!

Feeling really bad now so today starts a new day. I will do my best to take pictures everyday (even if she’s sleeping) and keep my blog updated so that when Emma wants to know what day she sat up or rolled over...i will know.

Recently my 16 mth old has decided that our coffee and end tables are not to put pictures or lamps on..no no, they are for her sitting and standing pleasure. Have you ever fought a losing battle? I am as I type. If I so much as step out of the room to pee shes on top of the coffee table when I get back. I cant even think about showering anymore god knows what she would find to climb then! The hardest part of this is how do you discipline a 16 mth old? Shes a little too young for time out (at least a successful one) so when I try to explain that we don’t climb on tables that couches are for us to sit on, she just looks at me and smiles as if to say “you keep talking but I have NO idea what you are saying.” And about a second later I am back in the fight!

To try to combat this I decided she needed a toy that she can climb on without getting into trouble and it would be a HUGE plus if this piece of equipment entertained her for let’s say hours….now what could be so amazing!!?? As it turns out for a one year old those requirements fit just about any new toy (turns out for adults it’s just as easy ..ask my husband who just got an iphone) So what did I find you ask?? After hours of searching online I found a little tykes play gym that was perfect! The problem was the price was NOT- so perfect. I turned to old trusty..craigslist. For those of you who have yet to try it or have a stigma about buying used items you need to at least give it a try. I cant say enough great things about it. Wouldn't you know that I found exactly what I was looking for for a fraction of the cost. And bonus – it was in great condition. After some friendly bargaining I got my daughter a wonderful play set with tunnels, things she can climb on and a slide – HELLO HEAVEN! Not only is she enthralled with this play set but it’s a magic babysitter too! I showered…she played. I made dinner…she played. She played, and played and played and last night we had 2 babies sleeping at 730. This toy goes on my MUST HAVE for toddlers list!

Im back, and so are the stories in a BIG way! There is a lot to write about. After being on hiadas for a few months I think I have enough material for a few years! To start we finally welcomed number 2 in august, Emma. I have to say she looks nothing like me or my husband. If it weren’t for the fact that she never left my bedside in the hospital, I would seriously think a switch had been made. Now I know most people think babies are beautiful and cute, I’m not one of those people. I think most babies look like aliens until at least 3 months of age (for some it takes even longer). Emma fits that description to a tee. Imagine an alien head; the shape is oval at the top and the chin comes to a point, with really big eyes…that’s my child. My sisters were gracious enough to point that out to me. Thanks again girls.

To date things are generally going as I thought they would. We had a bit of a jealousy problem in the beginning but my husband soon got over the new baby being home : ) OK so it wasn’t him but we did have jealousy about the new baby with Elle. Not like some stories I hear; the older sibling trying to hurt the new baby, or burry her in toy and blankets. For us it was just more temper tantrums and reverting back to the baby stages. Ellie refused to walk and started crawling again, needed to be carried everywhere, insisted on sitting in the baby swing and thought that she could fit back into her car seat. It didn’t take long before she realized that Emma was here when she woke up and here when it was bedtime and no one came to pick her up at dinner time.

Now she is a remarkable older sister. She gets Emma her binki when she cries, gives her kisses all time and helps with her bath time. As far as the girls go we are very lucky. As far as toddlers go…we’re writing the book!

After I got that text message I started feeling down that we don’t live in a more exciting area. Not so much for me but for our kid(s). I grew up in New Jersey. I had New York, Philadelphia, Boston and the shore all within a drive of me. It was wonderful! We were always on the go, never searching for things to do. Now I live in Kansas (that’s another blog), and for fun I have a plastic pool in my back yard for my daughter to play in and a corner town bar that serves beer out of jars. I do love where we live I just wish it were more exciting.

My husband is a Midwest boy so when I try to explain to him that I feel like we’re missing out on life here he doesn’t understand it. It’s been an ongoing battle for years, but because I love him dearly I traded in my manolo blahnik’s for aerosols and sneakers. I can’t blame all that on him; I have to say motherhood has really changed my fashion too. I always thought I would be that stylish mom, the one everyone wants to dress like. That’s not exactly what has happened. I’ve been tainted by magazine covers and TV shows with stylish moms wearing the latest fashions and heals while grocery shopping. GET REAL. I think its great that Victoria Beckham aka Posh Spice can wear platform heals and skin tight clothing while carrying her youngest son, but that’s just not reality of a suburban mom.

These days my choice of clothing is whatever is semi clean, no stains preferable and not covered in dog hair. Some mornings I’m even pulling a shirt off the floor and smelling it before deciding that it’s just going to have to do. I wouldn’t exactly be looking on the next cover of Style Magazine for my picture!

Yes, motherhood and marriage does come with an awful lot of sacrifice and change. And yes, I do miss the upbeat life I once had. But I wouldn’t change anything for the world. I have an amazing daughter who is the light of my life and a husband who loves me when I’m at my worst. While living in Kansas isn’t exactly Sex in the City and we may not have a beach within 1700 miles of us, life here is good.

Today is a day I dread every week, but none the less one that I cannot avoid; grocery shopping. In an effort to make one paycheck go as far as it can (which isn’t far) every Sunday I get excited to about buying the paper and cutting coupons. OH YEAH – this has replaced sex! If you plan and organize you can really save some money here. Sunday is coupon day, followed by grocery shopping the next week. Our list is never out of the ordinary; we eat meat and lots of it, we drink milk and there is always chef boyardee in our house! We aren’t on any diet plans or all natural kicks, and no matter how little money we have in the bank we always have beer chilling in the fridge! Priorities people.

The websites I use for coupons are couponmom.com, coupons.com and shortcuts.com. They are very easy to navigate and print off from. If, like myself when I first started, you cannot be bothered with cutting coupons I love shortcuts.com because there is no cutting or printing involved. You enter your grocery card in the computer, and the coupons are sent electronically to your card! HELLO GENIUS!

Another great way to cut back is to use the weekly flyer as your dinner guide for the week. This highlights sales and helps you navigate around the store without going over budget. I make a list of meals for the week based on the flyers. In our house if you use it up you write it down. We always have an ongoing grocery list so I’m not running back and forth the store all week for one or two items, that’s when you start to spend more money then you account for. I’m usually pretty good about sticking to the list, although I do allow myself 2 non-list items every week. This cuts down on my splurges – which at 8 months pregnant can be costly!

Something else to keep in mind is losing your mind! For anyone who has been pregnant you must remember thinking you were losing your mind on more than one occasion; I call this my baby brain syndrome. When I was pregnant with my first daughter I went out for groceries (with no list) and come home with a jar of pickles, which I hate, mustard, one potato and a can of chicken broth! My husband responded to my wonderful shopping with “and what are we having for dinner tonight?”

This morning at 230 we had our first false alarm. I won’t go into great detail but I thought my water broke. This would mean that Emma would be here 6 weeks early. My worrying about if she would be alright kept me up until 430, that and my house – what a mess! Yes this is a reoccurring theme in my blog. The girl’s bedroom is nowhere near put together or organized, my bedroom – ugh its become the catch-all for everything and anything, the laundry really needed to get done, and I didn’t have anything packed and ready for the hospital yet. But wait – no contractions? Weird so I did a quick search on the internet and I came to find out that its not uncommon for your water to break and labor not to start for up to 24 hrs. I’ll admit I’ve never heard of that but WebMD said it then it must be true!

After panic mode for 2 hrs I finally fell back asleep. Woke up to my husband leaving for work and we agreed that if contractions were to start I would call him right away and he would come get me. Ok that’s out of the way now what? Call the dr – right. The conversation went like this:

Nurse: Hello can I help you

Me: Um I’m a patient of Dr so and so and I think my water broke this morning I need to see the Dr

Nurse: We aren’t equipped for that in our office I need you to go to the hospital and check in. They can tell you if your water broke and will page the Dr. Once you check in if your water did break they will not release you, even if you aren’t having contractions.

Me: Um ok – I guess we’re going to the hospital

Hang up call my husband and tell him what the nurse just said. We decided that since I wasn’t having any contractions we were going to wait until he got home for lunch and go. In the mean time I had 3 hrs to clean the house, pack a suitcase, find some NB clothes to take with us, put the car seat in the car, get a crib mattress and vacuum the house – NO PROBLEM! Got just about everything done (I’m good) and started to vacuum when my sister called.

My sister: Um what are you doing? Shouldn’t you be in the hospital?

Me: No I haven’t even had a contraction yet I’m fine! Besides I need to finish cleaning the house.

My sister: I feel like I need to remind you that may be having a baby today.

Me: This is so inconvenient for me right now – I just want to vacuum.

My sister: (laughing) I don’t even know how to respond to that. When she gets older I’m going to tell her you thought it was inconvenient timing when she decided to enter the world.

Me: Well it is – I don’t even have breast pads yet!

That was pretty much the end of that conversation – she could see she was not talking me out of cleaning.

12 o’clock rolls around, my husband gets home, eats a quick lunch and off we go. I was starting to get anxious about my water breaking and me not having contractions when it dawned on me that I could have just peed. God Damnit – everything else has gone to shit during my pregnancy and now I may be losing control of my bowl moments! Oh this cannot be happening.

Check in at the hospital was fast they quickly got us upstairs and into a bed – that was the fastest they moved the whole time I was there. It was rush rush rush, wait. Pee into a cup – wait. Finally 2 hrs after I got there I saw a dr. She told me that my water did not break – Well thank god I thought! It took you two hrs to see me! She checked the baby and everything was right where it should be. Great news I thought – I really need more time to get ready. Then it hit me – shhhiiiittttttt I peed. My husband tried really hard not to laugh at me – it wasn’t the time. But my wonderful sister didn’t hold anything back. When I told her it was a false alarm she yelled – “YOU PEED YOURSELF!” Technically – but I seriously don’t know how – I haven’t done that in years! What started out as an excited and frantic morning turned into an embarrassing and uncomfortable afternoon. After all – have you had to tell your mother – in-law yet that your water didn’t break – false alarm, I just peed myself! I bet not!