The Inner Mom

Yesterday was a very busy day. We had both our crib and double stroller delivered. I know this may seem hard to believe but it wasn’t until after I started to put the crib together I thought “Oh my god – what have we done!” PANIC set in. My not so mom side was saying “You are about to have 2 kids under the age of 2 you fool! You cant do this!” My inner mom was the calm one. She reminded me that I really do have an amazing 1 year old, who is smart, loving and fun and that I had a lot to do with that. Guess who won out!?? The not so mom part of me started to cry. Suddenly I felt so overwhelmed by our decision to have 2 so close together. But what was I going to do now? I mean, she will be here ready or not in 9 weeks! I took a deep breath and had to tell myself it will be ok – that we will figure it out. After stepping away from the crib in tears I decided to give myself the night to let all of this marinate. This morning I’m still feeling the pressure of our decision to have two so close in age, but I know deep down that we can do this. It is hard to explain that after 7 months of being pregnant, it hasn’t really dawned on me that I will be a mom of 2 in just a short while. While I can feel her move and kick inside, I almost feel detached from her right now. I hate that I feel this way; after all I am carrying a child inside my belly! You would think that ever expanding waist line would have set in by now – but no! It’s the two cribs in one bedroom that really have me going. Id like to think this feeling is probably normal of any mom who like myself decided to have their kids close in age. After all you are already in the diaper and bottle mode, and lets not forget the no sleep thing! Still, I’m terrified that some part of me (the not so mom part) has finally taken on more then she can handle. My mom side you ask? Can not wait to meet this little girl!